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Why Students Need Heartfulness

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The Japanese symbol for mindfulness is one of those elegant shapeshifting words that depends on context to reveal its meaning; it combines the symbol for presence with the symbol for mind, spirit or heart—in other words, the familiar concept of mindfulness could also be translated heartfulness. To be mindful is also to have presence of heart. I like to think of it as a moment-to-moment homecoming to the center of my own heart.

I was incredibly fortunate to begin my journey in mindfulness with a teacher who emphasizes the interdependence of mind and heart, Dr. Shauna Shapiro. Too often, mindfulness in its secularized form is treated as a tool to enhance attention, as though the capacity to pay attention can be separated from the attitude we hold toward the object of our attention: how we pay attention matters! “Otherwise,” Dr. Shapiro would say, “a sniper is mindful.”

My own experience as a successful academic, who has struggled for a lifetime with sometimes debilitating anxiety is proof enough to me of the significance of this distinction. At the “pinnacle” of my academic success, I began to experience panic attacks and met all the diagnostic criteria for generalized anxiety disorder. The attitudes of fear, self-judgment, and perfectionism were literally undermining the very rewards I had reaped through years of persistence, concentration and intellectual grit. And now that I work with young people in an area known for intense academic competition, alarming suicide rates, and a sometimes ironic embrace of the mindfulness in education movement, I have never been more sure that heartfulness is what these students need, not mindfulness.

It is a beautiful thing to see a roomful of students earnestly experimenting with the practice of paying attention to the breath, resting in the being mode rather than the doing mode that so much of their lives demands. But as anyone who has tried one minute of mindfulness already knows, even when the body is perfectly still, the mind can be a war zone. Students quickly find that paying attention to the breath is not as easy as it sounds. Or as one student of mine asked, “Sarah, I get that we’re supposed to pay attention to the breath, but what is it we’re supposed to be doing while we’re paying attention to the breath?” My answer was: “Exactly.”

“The key is this,” I tell them, “Your mind will wander, that’s what minds do. The practice of mindfulness is actually noticing that the mind has wandered off and gently, with kindness inviting it back to the breath.”

The word kindness here is not trivial, but essential. It is what I mean when I say heartfulness. Our habits of mind, my students’ and my own, are not generally kind. They tend to be self-critical, often harsh, unforgiving. “This is so simple, why can’t I do it? If I can’t even pay attention to my breath, no wonder I can’t understand math!” “Come on, Sarah, just pay attention!!” Sound familiar? The voices we hear growing up become the voices in our heads.

Heartfulness is this: “Oh, I’ve wandered off again, here I am, welcome home.” With practice, this voice gets stronger; the heart grows. The mind does not change, what changes is how we relate to it and thus how we relate to ourselves.

The temptation among many of my bright, driven students, and I would argue the temptation to the Western mind in general because of our cultural conditioning, is to immediately apply the goal-orientation mode to mindfulness itself. This has resulted in a mindfulness “boom” that emphasizes how mindfulness reduces stress, enhances cognitive skills and helps students and professionals become more successful. While a growing body of research supports these claims, the language of the mindfulness revolution often forgets to tell the story of how mindfulness grows the heart and how like the opening of a bud, this process unfolds according to its own timetable; it cannot be forced.

Though I am familiar with the effects of mindfulness on grey matter density and cortical thickness, working memory capacity and insight problem solving, the mechanisms by which mindfulness generates positive effects are still tantalizingly mysterious. What’s more, as I walk by classrooms every day overflowing with students taking their 9th, 10th, 17th practice SAT, I am struck by the overwhelming evidence that these students are not incapable of paying attention.

Likewise, at home, I have watched my 14-year-old play video games, sometimes without eating, for hours on end. Trust me, it is not the muscle of attention that needs more exercise. It is paying attention when bored, paying attention when scared, paying attention when disoriented, insecure, vulnerable, and sometimes remembering to pay attention when happy that is the real struggle. Paying attention in these moments, above all, requires self-compassion and kindness, a presence of heart, without which the mind cannot stay with the pain and discomfort.

I tend to see it this way: What is procrastination if not a desperate flight from some internal or external experience, which we find difficult or impossible to accept with openness, receptivity and dare I say it, love? Without love, we cannot open to what is really here: Fear? Boredom? Self-doubt? The voice that says, “You’ll never be good at this, give up.”

Our attention is empty if it is not a container that invites these voices to speak. The transformation from mindless to mindful is catalyzed by the lovelight we shine on the dark corners of our inner world. If we want the bud to open, to smell, taste, live the benefits of mindful practice, the light of our own mind must be like the soft warmth of the sun. The invitation of mindfulness is not simply to pay attention, but to attend with kindness, to nourish the seeds of who we will become with a light that does not judge the seed for beginning its journey in the dark.  

 

Fitting in: Enough is Enough

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You are probably expecting me to say that “fitting in” is a myth, that what matters is being yourself and not sacrificing your values and your authenticity for the sake of gaining approval. But before I offer that advice, which I inevitably will, let’s pause and acknowledge that we are in some sense wired to “fit in.”

Human beings are profoundly social creatures. We crave affection, admiration, and acceptance from others and this is not a bad thing. Our capacity to cooperate, coupled with the depth and complexity of our emotional lives is perhaps the essential evolutionary advantage that has carried us from our hunter-gatherer days to the days of Facebook and LinkedIn.

Furthermore, developmental psychology describes adolescence as a time in which the key learning and growth opportunities occur in the context of group identity, alienation, fidelity, peer pressure, and experimenting with new roles. In other words, asking oneself again and again, “Who am I? And do people like me?” I offer these frames of reference as a way of saying it’s perfectly normal to want to “fit in” and it’s perfectly normal to want to stand out. Between these poles of carving out a unique identity and finding our “tribe,” we come to an understanding of our own truth. It is truly a life’s work.

So what is fitting in? Is it being accepted by others? Do we have to be “like” other people to “fit in” with them?

Contemplating these questions brought me back to my own high school days when I wondered if I was popular (enough), attractive (enough), smart (enough), talented (enough). It’s that implied “enough” that captures one aspect of what “fitting in” means. But it can be hard to pin down exactly for whom we hope to be “enough.” For ourselves? Our parents? Our peers? Society?

When I read student essays, I often see this word “society” pop up as though there exists a set of monolithic standards, imposed on us all by a jury we call “society,” or sometimes “culture.” But the way I see it, who we hope to be and who we are change in the course of a single day, as we relate to others through our different roles: student, daughter, friend, wall flower, psychologist, stepmother, breadwinner. In other words, the jury is always changing. It changes many times in one day and infinite times throughout our lives.

Though the roles you play in life will evolve, you will always crave the acceptance, love and admiration of your peers, family, and colleagues. I can honestly say that at my age I do not worry about “fitting in,” but I do care about feeling connected, cultivating community and feeling a sense of belonging in myself and in the world. Experiencing a sense of belonging– to loved ones, in a chosen profession, within a community, whether that community is large or just a few close friends you can count on one hand, imbues life with a sense of purpose. The key is, to arrive at this place, to experience belonging as I have described it here, we have to cultivate compassion, not only toward others, but more importantly, toward ourselves.

This is why I have resisted the temptation to advise you to simply “be yourself.” I worry that even “being yourself ” becomes a new yard-stick against which we do or do not measure up. The best advice I can offer you is not to “be yourself,” but to be kind to yourself. You will change, you will make mistakes, you will wake up some days and feel confident, you will wake up other days and feel insecure, you will at times succumb to peer pressure, at other times you will find in yourself courage, resilience and inner strength that you did not know you possessed.

You can choose to look at these experiences through the eyes of an internal critic, who asks even of your accomplishments, “Are they enough?” Or you can choose to listen to the voice that says, “You are enough,” or as my own mother used to say to me: “You are perfectly imperfect just the way you are.”

Which brings me to the role that parents can play in helping children to navigate the minefield that is adolescence. Let me start by making an important distinction: helping your child cultivate self-acceptance is not the same as being a permissive parent. It is possible to have high hopes for your child and at the same time maintain an awareness that these hopes will not always come to fruition and that our own dreams for our children are not always the same dreams our children have for themselves.

In my role as an admissions counselor, working primarily with Cupertino area schools, I have to be honest and say that, more often than not, I see students who at this crucial juncture in their lives feel incredible pressure to become something that they are neither suited for nor deeply passionate about. They also feel compelled to apply to a long list of colleges with names that will impress rather than a short list of schools that represent the best fit for their personalities and interests. It has happened that I’ve seen a few students who are so focused on their future profession that I have no doubt they will be both successful and fulfilled in their careers, but it is understandably rare to encounter that degree of focus in a 16 or 17-year-old.

And the truth is, the indicators of future success that make me most hopeful about a particular student are not test scores, GPA or college admissions profile, but the student’s attitude toward life, toward set-backs, toward the influence of their peers, an ability to keep things in perspective. They are the students who have the capacity to listen to the voice that says, “You are enough.” And they can hear that voice because it is the internalization of a voice that has echoed throughout their lives, since the moment of their birth.

If I get really honest, brutally honest, I can also say that as a stepmom, I find it incredibly challenging to let go of the high hopes I have for my own beloved stepchildren. I know the deep urgency to protect and shield one’s child from the pain of failure. I know the shame and embarrassment of wondering what other people will think if my own kid doesn’t get good grades, or get in to school X —after all, it’s my job!

I also know that much of this fear has less to do with my children than it does with my own struggle to be kind—not to them—but to myself. What I can least tolerate in myself, I can least tolerate in others, including, and perhaps most intensely felt, in the others with whom I share my home and heart.

So my advice is both simple and incredibly challenging: be the voice of compassion for yourself and be that voice for your child, so that when peer pressure comes knocking in one of its many disguises, your child can say, “I don’t need to ‘fit in,’ I already belong and that is enough.”

Thank you for joining us for Wellness Month. Please check back next week for more information and advice from our Insight Counselor Sarah de Sousa. 

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A version of this blog post was first published in Lynbrook High School’s truth publication, Aletheia, Vol. 2(7)

Additional Resources:

Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke. This book was given to me on my 16th birthday by a mentor and has been a constant companion in my life ever since.

How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character, by Paul Tough. The story we usually tell about childhood success is the one about intelligence: success comes to those who score high on tests, from preschool admissions to SATs. But in How Children Succeed, Paul Tough argues that the qualities that matter most have more to do with character: skills like perseverance, curiosity, conscientiousness, optimism, and self-control.

The Romance of Risk: Why Teenagers do the Things They Do, by Lynn E. Ponton M.D. In The Romance of Risk, Dr. Ponton refutes the traditional idea that risktaking is primarily an angry power struggle with parents—so-called teenage rebellion—and re-defines it as a potentially positive testing process whereby challenge and risk are the primary tools adolescents use to find out who they are and determine who they will become. For adolescents, the powerful allure of the adult world is equaled only by the fear of failing to find a place in it. Parents can ease that transition into adulthood, however, by promoting healthy risk-taking so that dangerous options will be avoided.

Hardwiring Happiness, by Rick Hanson Ph.D. Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness, Buddha’s Brain, Just One Thing, and Mother Nurture. Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, and an Advisory Board Member of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and taught in meditation centers worldwide.

Greater Good Science Center http://greatergood.berkeley.edu The Greater Good Science Center studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society. This website is full of educational and parenting resources, free webinars, links to many bay area events and excellent resources for teens.

Stanford School of Medicine Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) http://ccare.stanford.edu CCARE investigates methods for cultivating compassion and promoting altruism within individuals and society through rigorous research, scientific collaborations, and academic conferences. In addition, CCARE provides a compassion cultivation program and teacher training as well as educational public events and programs.

 

Mindfulness

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“Mindfulness” is the hot new buzz-word sweeping through education, psychology, corporate consulting, and just about every domain of our modern lives. From the New York Times to the cover of TIME magazine and a recent TIME article, mindfulness appears to be hitting the mainstream like never before. But what does it mean? And how does it help?

As a graduate student of counseling psychology, I focused much of my research and clinical training on understanding the psychological benefits of mindfulness. In particular, I am interested in the growing body of research literature that shows how mindfulness training benefits adolescents and students in building underlying cognitive skills that enhance learning.

But before we dive in to how mindfulness helps in greater detail, let’s talk about what mindfulness is.

Here is the definition I use: Mindfulness is the act of intentionally paying attention to what arises in the present moment with a kind, open, curious attitude. Or put more succinctly: Intention, Attention, Attitude (see Shapiro & Carlson, 2009).  Mindfulness can be practiced formally or informally, either through traditional techniques such as meditation, or by brining mindful awareness to everyday activities such as reading, eating a meal, or taking a standardized exam!

Research shows that when students practice mindfulness it reduces mind-wandering, enhances memory, reduces anxiety, and facilitates better learning outcomes. The growing trend in mindfulness curricula for schools is testament to how broadly beneficial mindfulness is to improving academic performance.

Moreover, we live in a world where access to higher education, funding for educational institutions, and the development of curriculum standards are increasingly tied to standardized exams. A growing body of research provides encouraging evidence that mindfulness training can level the playing field and better equip students to meet the demands of our test-driven educational system.

In particular, the specific pressure associated with standardized exams and their role in gating access to higher education, coupled with the estimated prevalence of test anxiety, provides a compelling case for complementing traditional test preparation with mindfulness training. Mindfulness practice has been shown to decrease stress, reduce test anxiety, improve emotion regulation, and have a measurable positive impact on standardized exams.

It is estimated that up to 40% of all students experience some level of test anxiety and that those who experience higher levels of test anxiety perform lower on tests and in other measures of academic achievement. In my years working as an educational consultant, I have witnessed the negative impact of test anxiety first-hand. A student who has spent all week studying hard for an upcoming exam simply blanks under the pressure of the real thing, and thus begins the self-perpetuating cycle: “I’m just not good at math, so why waste my time…”

Test anxiety as a specific form of anxiety has been the focus of a large body of research, dating back to the 1960’s. Researchers at UC Santa Barbara recently utilized a randomized controlled investigation to assess the effect of a two-week mindfulness training course on the verbal reasoning section of the GRE with surprising results. When compared to a nutrition class, mindfulness training reduced mind-wandering, improved working memory, and produced an average improvement of 16 percentile points on the GRE, an improvement that is analogous to a 100 point improvement on the critical reading section of the SAT.

Join us for our September Wellness month as we explore mindfulness and what it means for us as students, parents, and humans. 

Is Working Part-Time During High School Really Possible?

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Yes! 

I started working unofficially at the age of 7, helping my aunt file papers in her small accounting practice. When I turned 14, I got my first real job, at McDonald’s — the only place that would hire anyone so young at that time. And on the day I turned 16, I went from my driving test straight to the bookstore where I would work until college. Not only did I have to work to be able to pay for the activities I wanted to participate in, but I wanted to work.

One of our other counselors was taking orders in her parents’ coffee shop as soon as she could reach the cash register. Another worked as a waitress throughout high school and college. She can handle tough people like nobody’s business. One of our students takes the bus from school to her job at an office supply store three days a week, and manages to keep a 3.8 GPA.

But more and more these days, I see parents not wanting their kids to work while in school. For some it is a pride issue — “we don’t need the money.” For others, they don’t want their kids to focus on a short-term job and lose sight of a long-term career. And for a few, they really just don’t see value in their kids having a job. But beyond the hourly wage, there are many benefits to having a part-time job while in high school and college.

  • Awareness of money. Learning how to handle one’s personal finances is not a skill best learned in the classroom. On my first day of work, I remember thinking I would make enough money that day to buy the really cool pair of jeans there was no way my aunt was going to buy me. But I quickly realized that the IRS has something to say in how much money I actually take home. I also realized that working was a privilege. I worked alongside others who were trying to raise families and live off the meager wages. I learned to respect the work I was doing, no matter how mundane or menial. The jeans really did not seem important anymore.
  • Learn responsibility and time management. If you show up late for work or don’t show up at all, someone is probably going to get pretty mad at you. You might get yelled at. You might even get fired. Your parents might forgive you, but the company you work for will always remember. Working teaches teens that they are accountable to somebody and that there are consequences to not performing. And during the time they are at work, they will be forced to complete tasks on time. They will more easily learn to multitask and manage their time simply because there is no other option.
  • Deal with difficult people. There is nothing like getting yelled at by someone over a mistaken order or a long wait to teach people how to learn with difficult personalities. Customer service is at the center of most jobs teens can take on, and it is a skill that will serve them well throughout their lives. This type of social development rarely happens in schools. Don’t shield your kids from these experiences. They will make them stronger, more capable of being out in the real world.
  • Strengthen a resume. One job leads to another and another. The skills you learn from one job will help you when you apply for another, and so on. If you wait until the summer after your first in year in college to get a job, you are going to be competing with others who already have more experience than you. More importantly, you are developing strong skills — responsibility, money management, initiative, customer service, problem solving, and the list goes on. These skills are as valuable to an employer as specific technical know-how.
  • Colleges love work experience. I am hesitant to list this as a reason to work, because it should not be the reason to get a job. But the reality is that colleges love to see that students have had real-world experience, that they have ventured out of their comfort zone, and that they have learned important life skills. It likely means that you will take college more seriously.

The most important thing that teens learn when they get a job is independence, something most crave immensely but often don’t know what to do with once they have it. A job may also show them what they would like to do with their lives, and equally importantly it might show them exactly how they do not want to spend their lives. Both are valuable learnings!

So rather than discourage work during high school and college, encourage it. 

 

How Do I Find My Passion?

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I have had the great honor of sitting on panels about college admissions. One that has stuck with me was a panel to share with students the true value of a college education and how to best prepare for it. It was an opportunity to see life not as one big race to the finish with college being the first major marker, but rather as a journey that is unique and very personal. One student asked a profound question:

“Everyone talks about passion, but I don’t know what mine is. How do I find it?”

Right then, I realized that we use the word “passion” too loosely. We ask teens to define their life’s calling, pushing and pushing them until they can say at least one thing they like. Then we label that a passion and use it to box them into a category. We tell teens to write about their passions on their college applications or to explain them in the college interview. We don’t give them a choice. Or worse, we look down upon those who cannot relay their passions in life quickly and deeply.

Let’s step away from the word passion. Even the most accomplished adult might have a hard time explaining her passion. And one’s passion does not have to become one’s career, and one’s career does not have to be a passion.

When I was younger, I loved swimming and did it competitively. I also acted in several community plays. As I got older I joined about a million activities and loved each one for different reasons. But I would have been hard-pressed to call any one of those my passions when I was a teen. I love my job and I love writing, but are they my passions? Maybe. But giving my interests a title doesn’t benefit anyone, least of all me.

So rather than trying to simply define passion, people — especially teens — should simply look for new and varied opportunities and experiences. You will never know if you like something until you try it for yourself. Use high school as a playground to try new subjects, explore activities and look to your community for different ways to get involved. You may not always be successful, but failure and disappointment are the building blocks of life. Embrace them and you will more quickly find what you love.

Too many high school students feel the need to simply check off the necessary items for the college admissions process. And I get it, these teens are under enormous pressure to succeed within a specific definition. But if we as a society could give them more space to make mistakes, to take risks and to broaden their perspectives, we will actually engage an entire generation.

Rather than forcing them to memorize facts, we can create problem solvers. Rather than forcing math and science, English or a foreign language on those who simply do not have the interest or skill for it, let’s encourage students to explore and push their boundaries for the sake of learning.

My answer to that teen is, your passion in life is going to evolve throughout your existence. Rather than focusing on finding it, focus on what you love to do, what you are curious about, and where your strengths are. Then step back and look at careers that might allow you to integrate as many of your interests as possible. And don’t think that your career is the ultimate show of what your passion is. College is another great time to see more and experience more. You will get greater exposure to what life has to offer, and your interests will evolve.

Summer Freedom Can Still Be Productive!

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As final exams conclude, as you turn in your year-end projects, as you wait for AP scores and prepare for your upcoming SAT, ACT, and SAT subject tests in June, as you begin to pack for a summer trip, a new internship, or (gulp) college, please stop for a moment and take a deep breath.  No seriously, put down your phone and close your laptop.  I’ll wait for you.  Turn off the TV.  Put your stress ball down.  Shut your bedroom door and unplug the landline (I know, I know, what’s a landline?)  Make sure to take a long deep breath.  Close your eyes.  Think about where you are in your life and how far you’ve come, not only this year but in the year’s prior.  Think about your family and your friends.  Think about your goals for yourself.  Concentrate on your thoughts.  Relax for a few precious seconds.  Are you ready?  Good, slowly open your eyes.  Look out the window and exhale.  Now…

 

How would you like to spend your summer?

I know, it’s a loaded question, but an important one.  Are you traveling?  Are you volunteering?  Are you playing sports?  Are you working?  Are you studying for standardized tests?  Are you taking an online course?  Are you taking a class at a community college?  Ok, wait, I’m sorry about all the questions.  Go ahead and grab your stress ball again.  Are we back on track?  Alright, let’s try again.  There is absolutely no requirement that you engage in all or even most of the above activities I mentioned above.  By this point you have likely already discussed summer plans with your Insight counselor or at least pondered your options at home with your parents.  But whatever, you have decided, you should be doing “something.” Don’t panic – there is freedom in that word.  “Something” is inexact by definition – it lacks clarity and one person’s “something” isn’t necessarily the same as another’s.  You don’t want to copy the same summer plans of your best friend or take the most popular route anyway.  Rather, you need to do what works best for YOU.

 

Colleges respond to diversity, they respond to students who exercise unique choices. Just ask this year’s fantastic group of graduating seniors, who in just a few short months will be on their way to orientations on college campuses from California to the UK and beyond. Talk to seniors you know or ask your counselor to put you in touch with older students who shares your interests.  Find out what worked for them, what motivated them, and how they utilized the ten weeks each summer between school ending and beginning. Ask them if they have any regrets about the decisions they made (hey, there’s a nice college essay prompt for you rising seniors). 

 

But while being your own person is important, please don’t be alarmed if you are making decisions based on upcoming priorities either. In fact, that’s often crucial.  Will you be tackling your first AP class next fall?  If so, how are you getting ready?  Whether your peers are enrolling at De Anza or self-studying with a guide purchased on Amazon or doing practice problems through Collegeboard is irrelevant. Discuss with your counselor what YOU should be doing to maximize your success.  If you are signed up for an SAT in August or an ACT in September, how are you studying?  Some students thrive in a one-on-one setting with an experienced tutor.  Others do their best work in an intensive 10 day boot camp that enables collective ideas, reveals strategies, and allows for maximum practice. You can see our test prep options by clicking here. 

 

However you spend this summer, don’t be afraid to fail or try something unfamiliar.  Opportunities to explore who you are in depth are few and far between, especially the older you get.  Take advantage of this time.  And please remember, we are here to help.  We plan with students of varying ages every day.  We want to put you in the best position to thrive, to peak, to try a new activity. High school passes by very quickly.  Enjoy yourself, do your very best, and don’t forget to smile.

Three Trends Driving the Drop in Acceptances at Top Universities

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It’s no secret that getting into an elite university is tougher than ever, but few of us are aware of just how rapidly the admissions landscape has shifted in recent years. Universities across the U.S. have not only seen dramatic shifts in who applies, but also in when students apply and where students apply. Knowing more about these trends can help us make sense of this convoluted system, understand why applying to college is so different than just a few years ago and better predict how students will fare in the future.

Trend #1: Top U.S. Colleges are Going Global

Colleges across the country are attracting a greater number of international students than ever, with foreign students at around five percent of the more than 20 million students enrolled in U.S. higher education institutions from community colleges to top universities.

This trend is especially prevalent within the Ivy League. While the eight elite Ivy League schools made efforts to increase the size of their admitted freshman classes by 5 percent from 2004 to 2014, the number of freshman seats going to international students also grew 46 percent over this same period.

International students are also increasingly choosing competitive Californian schools like UCLA and USC. At UC Berkeley around 13% of the freshman student body were international students in 2014, a figure four times higher than in 2004. In the one-year period from 2014 to 2015, the number of international students admitted across California’s colleges increased by 10.5%.

While the increase in applicants from abroad does mean getting admitted has gotten somewhat more difficult, it also means that American students are increasingly able to learn from international peers. A Duke study found that as international students become a greater part of U.S. university life, their American classmates not only learn more about foreign cultures, but also are more likely to learn a foreign language and think critically about their own political or religious viewpoints, and eventually use these cosmopolitan experiences as the next generation business and government leaders.

Trend #2: Students Applying to More Schools than Ever

While nationally rising seniors apply to only a few schools each, for students seeking admittance to top schools, the numbers of applications can rise rapidly. Admissions officers and school counselors are increasingly seeing an arms-race in college applications, with students falsely believing that if applying to eight schools is beneficial, then applying to 16 schools will give them double the benefit.

More than one-third of students are applying to at least seven schools and according to Naviance, an online platform that many high school students and counselors use to organize applications, 16.5 percent of seniors using the system said they intended to apply to 11 to 20 colleges. A spokesperson for Naviance reported the record number of colleges listed by a student as 86 colleges last year.

This means that while most universities are still accessible for students, top schools are seeing higher and higher applicant volumes for a fixed number of seats. This is forcing schools to be more selective, and also causing some to take steps to protect their yield, or the percent of admitted students who accept their offers.

Yield is not only seen as a measure of prestige among colleges (which college wouldn’t want to have an 80% yield rate like Harvard?) but also allows universities increased financial security and certainty for the year ahead. Because of this, some universities are placing more importance on applicants that indicate a high likelihood to attend or those that demonstrate interest, whether through factors such as having toured the school or signed up for the newsletter. This desire for certainty in which students will accept an admission’s offer is also driving the next major trend in college admissions: the rise in Early Decision.

Trend #3: More Early Acceptances

Rather than wait to submit applications in December and January, more and more students are submitting applications early to gain an edge on getting in. Although early admissions have existed for many years, in recent decades these programs have become widespread. Now over two-thirds of elite colleges have some kind of early admissions and many accept a large portion of their class from the early pool.

Applying early happens one of two ways: Early Decision and Early Action. Early Decision, is when a student submits an application early and enters into a binding agreement that if admitted, they will attend. This is not to be confused with applying Early Action, which allows a student to find out if they have been accepted by roughly mid-December (rather than March or April), but provides students with a significantly smaller advantage in admissions rates.

Nationwide, US News reported that in 2015 from the top 245 colleges and universities providing data, the average early acceptance rate was 63 percent versus just 50 percent of regular applicants, or a difference of 13 percent. However, at some elite schools, this difference between early and regular can be even more stark.

Duke and Northwestern historically take just under half their class from early applicants. Many universities give an admissions boost to students who apply early, since this allows them greater financial stability and since historically students who apply early are more likely to attend. According to experts, students who apply early gain a 20 to 30 percent bump to their odds of getting in, or roughly the same as scoring an extra 100 points on the SAT.

However, applying Early Decision is not for everyone. Those who apply early and are accepted will not find out their admissions decisions for other schools, will not be able to compare differing financial aid offers, and many will receive less aid than if they had applied Regular Decision. So while families who chose to apply E.D. often increase their chances at one school, they also lose the flexibility of different offers.

Shrinking acceptance rates are no doubt discouraging, however understanding these push and pull factors lets applicants better understand what it takes to get admitted. As the global middle class rises, American colleges will become more international, just as students will keep hedging their bets for acceptance by applying to a wide range of schools and doing so early. This landscape underscores the importance of applying strategically as admission to top schools becomes highly unpredictable. This means applying early if able, repeatedly demonstrating their interest, building a balanced college list with backup options, and crafting compelling applications that show exactly how the university will meet their needs. And of course, your Insight Education Counselor and team are here to walk with you side by side through the whole journey. 

All the best,

The Insight Team 

Admit Rate Graph for Select Universities

The kind of student colleges like __________ are looking for…

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Each year a number of my students are admitted and a number are rejected. Such is the life of an admissions counselor. And on this day, my colleague and I had a similar task: we each were asked by parents of our students to explain the decision their child had received from X dream school. My colleague had the unenviable task of explaining to a family “why” their daughter had been deferred in the early round, and I had the welcome task of explaining to a family “why” their daughter had been accepted when the school seemed such a far reach for her particular profile. Neither of these questions actually have answers, but there are some clues:

The family that was disappointed complained incessantly that other students must be getting different advice, that their parents were doing the work for their children to pad their profiles with science fair accomplishments, and that some were even writing their children’s essays. These things do happen. A lot, sadly. And yet, the remarkable thing is that this student hadn’t even been rejected. In fact, the school had merely deferred her application to the regular round, which in this case, for this particular school, meant that she was seriously being considered. But the parents described a scene of total chaos and desperation when they read the decision online: “my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably,” the mother said. I wondered if the tears were less about the decision and more about failing to fulfill the astronomically high expectations imposed by her parents.

While this conversation was unfolding, in another office, opposite my colleague, I was writing this email:

Dear ___________,

Of course, I cannot know what exactly went through the minds of the admissions officers as they read your daughter’s application, but a short answer to your question might be the trusty adage: “hire for personality, train for skills.”

Research internships, while impressive are also often attained through either family connections or paying for extremely expensive summer programs. I am not trying to diminish the value, because I do recommend both of these options to students who want to pursue research, but the research experience does not make the scientist (per se). What your daughter displayed in spades throughout her application was a unique combination of determination, grit, compassion, authenticity and self-awareness. You can’t underestimate the value of sincere self-awareness coming through in a college app. At best, I think I play the role of helping students have the courage to really write what’s true for them and focus less on what colleges “want to hear,” though that may sound ironic coming from a college counselor. Your daughter risked putting who she really is out there for colleges to see and her enthusiasm for her chosen career was both evident and believable because of her authenticity.

I have no doubt that when she encounters the inevitable challenges of college life, she will move through them with the same grace and determination that were evident in her application and life experience thus far. That is the kind of student colleges like __________ are looking for 😉

This same mother had written to me a week before early decisions were released and said that she was so proud of her daughter and so grateful for my guidance and that these feelings would not be changed by the outcome of college decisions because she could see reflected in her daughter’s writing the maturity, growth and inner wisdom that had emerged merely from the process of working on college applications.

So on the one side, we have a family and a child who believe that future success is so contingent upon the extrinsic variable of a college decision that all the hard work and energy of a lifetime of academic success have been forever diminished by the evaluation of one school. And on the other side, we have a family and student who believe that even the process of applying was itself a learning and growth experience, as will be the next step and the step after that in this student’s lifelong journey. This dichotomy calls to mind Carol Dweck’s theory of the growth vs. the fixed mindset.  But it also touches on the very heart of why I love my job, why I really do what I do, and what in fact it is that I do when I work with students (at least as I think about it):

I mentor students in becoming the authors of their own lives.

This aspect of my work is present with younger students, but is most evident in drafting personal statements for college applications. When I begin the application process with students, I tell them that if they are open to it, this process does not have to be an onerous task, but holds intrinsic value in the form of self-exploration, reflection and values clarification. When else in your life will you be required to spend weeks, maybe months thoroughly and thoughtfully answering questions like: What matters to you and why? Talk about a time when you challenged a belief or idea, what prompted you to act and would you do it again?

The personal statement, I tell them, is its own genre of literature: it is a short story, in which you are the protagonist and everything that happens is true. And, most importantly, you are both protagonist and author. You may not have control over the events in the story, but you decide what they mean. You cannot be wrong, you can only be honest, and more honest as you peel back the layers and get to the heart of how each story reveals an essential fragment of the whole you.

In her now famous TED Talk, Brene Brown asks the audience: “How many of you associate vulnerability with weakness? Be honest.” Everyone raises their hands. And then she asks, “And how many of you, when you saw vulnerability up here on the stage throughout this week perceived it as ultimate courage.” And just as quickly everyone raises their hands.

That is where the power of the personal narrative lies: in the willingness to be vulnerable, to be seen. As readers, we know it when we see it and it is hard to look away once that courage shows its face.

It doesn’t mean you will get in; it doesn’t mean your great American novel will get published; it doesn’t mean people will like you or will appreciate what you put out into the world. But it is the recipe for building a meaningful life and if you do get in, get the job, get recognized, chances are it will not be what you said, but what you revealed of yourself to which the school, the manager, the audience said YES!  

The Archeology of Success

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A student of mine had just been admitted to her dream school, a school that we both knew was not a guarantee by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, she explained that when she first shared the news with her friends, she heard someone nearby whispering, “Wow, she got in where?!? I didn’t know she was that smart.”

Overhearing this comment, even in the midst of her excitement and overwhelming joy at the life changing news she had just received, launched her into a tailspin so that by the time we met the following Friday, she started the meeting by asking me to confirm if the school she had been admitted to was actually a competitive brand name school or if maybe it was easier to get into than she had thought. Just to prove a point, I showed her that her school ranks among the top 15 schools in the United States, right next to Cornell and Brown, according to US News and World Report.

I spend much of my life and work convincing families that there is much more to the college experience and to the value of any given school than ranking, but this seemed to be a case in which ranking was actually useful! In the weeks leading up to this decision, this same student had scoured her application, even AFTER it had been submitted for any possible errors. Each week that we met between when the application went in and the decision came out, she had a new question about some feature of her application that wasn’t quite right. And now, even though she had been admitted, she was already beginning to doubt the magnitude of her own accomplishment. She’s starting to sound a little crazy, but she isn’t.

We ALL do this. In fact, I think we can all relate to scouring something after there’s nothing we can do for that one little typo, particularly when the stakes are high. And imagine how we feel and behave when we do find a typo, which is often the case because of that persistent pest called imperfection that seems to plague the human experience: we fixate, obsess and justify this whole process with idea that there’s always something to learn from failure and that’s what makes it tolerable.

But, imagine for a second if rather than a negativity bias, the human brain were biased toward fixation on the positive. In this alternate universe, the student and I would have spent the weeks of waiting for her decision relishing this word choice, that effective use of punctuation, savoring the beauty of her writing and marveling at the authenticity and self-awareness present in her essays. And though that alternate universe is not the one in which we live, because in fact the brain is like Teflon for positive experience and Velcro for negative experience (see Rick Hanson), we do have the power to tip the scales ever so slightly in the other direction through conscious effort.

What I suggested to my student is that she owed it to herself to treat this success with the same “enthusiasm” and rigor she would treat a major (or minor) life failure. That is, I know that she would have Monday morning quarterbacked for days, weeks, months if she hadn’t gotten in. Every detail she scrutinized before she even knew the outcome of her application would be rehashed, reassessed for its role in this failure, and countless other possible explanations for the rejection would be explored.

So, I suggested she do the same kind of archeological dig on her own success. Borrowing from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley’s exercise called Mental Subtraction of Positive Events, I urged her to write down all the complex events, all of the people in her support network, all of the inner qualities and personal strengths that culminated in this incredible moment of recognition and fulfillment. I also asked her to reflect on how things might have turned out differently if one tiny detail in the vast interconnected web of events that led to this single moment hadn’t happened in just the way that it did.

The point here is not to induce fear, but wonder at the exquisite fragility and abundant serendipity present in the story of our own success. It usually follows that from this sense of wonder and awe emerges a natural impulse to give thanks. I encouraged my student to remember the people who had helped her, but also to take this moment to express gratitude to herself for having the courage, persistence and grit to arrive where she is today. She loved the exercise so much that she added the idea of listing some of the failures and negative experiences that had been part of her journey so that she could integrate them into the story of her success.

Each day of our lives, we have the opportunity to do this: to drop one small and brilliant nugget of gold into the positive side of the scale whenever we are willing to take the time to savor the good in our lives, small and large. If you think you don’t have time, get honest with yourself about how much time you already spend ruminating about the small failures in your recent past or planning to protect yourself from shame and embarrassment in a future that hasn’t even happened yet. We have time, you have time, to uncover, polish and delight in the treasure of your own life.

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